Just a couple of weeks later, my husband, three children and I picked up some friends' children, and we spent a Thursday afternoon at the lake. FUN day! The kids swam, and played and laughed and we were worn out from the water and the sun by the end of the day. My boys have always loved the water and that was quite a treat for them.
By that following Sunday, Chris was not feeling very well. Knowing that the other children we took with us that day to the lake had been exposed to a stomach virus, I assumed that was what was wrong with him. But by Tuesday morning, I knew something was very wrong. He was running a fever, had a headache and was lethargic. I took him to our family doctor who immediately diagnosed him with meningitis. I remember the serious look on her face as she handed me two tubes of his spinal fluid and said "we do not have time to wait for the ambulance, take him to the hospital now."
What? What just happened? I was confused and suddenly terrified. Even though he seemed sleepy, he was walking and talking and even laughed when I asked him if he wanted me to go to the bathroom with him, saying "no, mom, it is for boys." Within a few hours, his condition became very serious. Not knowing for sure what they were dealing with, the doctor and nurses worked tirelessly trying to keep Chris comfortable and calm. About 4:00 a.m., the doctor told us that the lab tech had discovered amoeba in his spinal fluid. He was diagnosed with Primary Amoebic Meningoencephalitis which is a very rare disease of the central nervous system caused by infection from the amoeba Naegleria Fowleri, which the doctor said is "99.9% fatal."
So we prayed. On the airplane to Cook's Children's Hospital, I prayed. At his bedside, I prayed. People from our home town, friends from all over, and family showed up....and we prayed. And I believed that my son would be healed. I believed with all my heart, regardless of what the specialists were telling me, that God would heal my son. But in spite of all of the best efforts of some of the best doctors in the country and prayers of many, many people for his healing, Chris died.
The next few days are still a blur, but I remember standing over the casket looking at my son and asking God "what do I do now? how do I do this?" and His response was "you praise Me, no matter what." Wow....that has been a challenge more than once since that day. I DO NOT believe that the Lord took my son to test my faith or to challenge my loyalty to Him. I DO believe that the Lord is omniscient, and knows everything that is going to happen before it happens.
And I believe with everything in me, that He prepared me for that moment and was reminding me that no matter what we see, hear, feel or experience, He is still God, who is worthy of our praise. Not because of what He does or does not do, but because of WHO HE IS.
Ok, so I know some of you are asking if I was mad at God....not at first, but after a while, yes...anger is a normal part of the grieving process and mine was directed at God, myself, and for a time the world in general. Did I praise God? Not always. There was actually a time period where I walked away from Him, and it took a while for me to forgive Him and start trusting Him again. But I can tell you this....I have learned that there is great power in our praise.
Remember Paul and Silas in the bible?
Acts 16:25-34 (KJV)25 And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them. 26 And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened, and every one's bands were loosed.
As they praised God, the shackles fell off and the prison doors opened. Not only theirs, but the other prisoners around them. This is true in our lives. As we praise God, freedom comes. Whatever it is that is holding us back from His presence, keeping us from reaching out to Him, will begin to fall off as we praise Him, and it will affect those around us. Is it always easy? Noooooo! Sometimes it is really difficult, but we have to make a decision to do it. It is a choice. In fact when it is the hardest to praise Him is when we are often the most blessed because it is truly a sacrifice.
So, how am I doing now? I still cry and get a pain in the pit of my stomach when I think about what happened, but then I thank God for the gift of Chris that He gave me for those 9 years. And I choose to praise Him every day, no matter what....I can honestly say that I do trust Him, and that my heart is full of joy.
Praise the LORD! Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; for His loving kindness is everlasting ... Psalm 106:1