Learning to live on faith is a hard thing for me to do. I like the security of having a regular salary, knowing what my paycheck will be week to week, and never having to worry about paying bills. Working on commission is new to me and at times a little scary, but I am trusting my Heavenly Father to provide for me and pray daily for Him to lead me to new business and help me succeed.
But there was this one particular client that had verbally committed to buying an ad January through March. They decided to push it back to February, and then after meeting with them last week, moved their commitment to March through May. Not a big deal. Except that I was expecting the commission in January and February, which does affect my finances and changes my plans for that time period.
I confess....rather than thank the Lord for the advertiser and trust that He will send me new business, I panicked. I started thinking negatively about all the things that could go wrong, and I did what I have done my whole life. I reached for comfort somewhere other than in the love of my Father. I went straight for the ice cream! Yes, a large Butterfinger Blizzard. And it tasted so good and satisfying....for about 15 minutes.
Now, it's not that having the ice cream was a terrible thing, or the fact that I am trying to lose weight and it had like 750,000 calories in it, that bothered me. It's that my first response to disappoint and fear was to go somewhere other than to Him. It is our human nature to reach for something, whether it's food, drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever gives us that instant feeling of comfort. But the satisfaction we receive from those things is very temporary and can be detrimental to our lives if we constantly indulge in them.
I am praying for the Lord to help me. Help me think of Him first, before I reach for something else when I need comfort. As I was regretting the dairy overload (which is not pretty), I thought of something...next time, I am going to call a friend that will talk me down from the ledge and pray with me. That is what accountability is all about, and I definitely need it.
Psalm 107:8-9
8 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
9 For he satisfies the longing soul,
and the hungry soul he fills with good things.