Does any of this sound familiar? What is your perception of the body of Christ or the church? When you think about it, what do you feel? Have you been so hurt by “the church” that you vowed never to go back? Or do you go to church but refuse to let anybody really know you? Never getting involved or reaching out?
The bible says in Matthew 18:7 that Offenses will come. They will and they did……And when they did, I took them in and I embraced them and I fed them until I was so offended that I did not want to have anything to do with church or church people again. I had been in a small church in Oklahoma and had been a member there for about 3 years. My ex-husband and I were very involved, he was on the board, I was on the praise and worship team and lead the women’s ministry. Things were great……so they seemed……at least we did a really good job of pretending they were. But we were actually very miserable. I was struggling with his abuse and increasing control but I kept going to church, doing everything I was supposed to do, and hoping things would get better at home. I was too embarrassed to tell anybody what was going on at home, so I put on my smile and acted like everything was great. What I did not realize was that I was falling apart inside. And that my self-isolation was detrimental to my marriage, myself and my walk with God.
Not knowing how to cope, and being too ashamed to confide in anyone, I became very angry and fell back into some of my old ways of dealing with things, which were not of God. Even though I kept my sin secret, people knew something was not right. And before long, I was asked to step down from the women’s ministry and the praise and worship team. That just made me more angry and I took great offense to the Church. It took me several years later to realize that they did the right thing. I was not in a good place nor was I able to minister to anyone else in the condition I was in. But let me tell you, the enemy loved it! I am convinced that offenses are one of his most effective tools to get and keep people out of church. And they kept me away from church and God for 4 years.
As I replayed conversations in my mind over and over, they became bigger and bigger and I got madder and madder! I began looking for all of their faults and passing judgment on them. I refused to talk to anybody about my sin, lied when confronted and isolated myself more. And before I knew it, within months, I had left my job, my church, my husband, moved away and was living a life completely different that I ever had. I went deeper into sin and places that I never thought I would go. I was ashamed, disgusted with myself and felt hopeless. I thought I had messed up so badly that God would never have me back, let alone ever use me in ministry again. What I did not know was that God’s gifts and His callings are irrevocable….. Rom 11:29
Sister, I beg you! Stop! Repent, forgive, and let the Lord heal you. You have not messed up so badly that He will not take you back - that is a lie of the enemy. Our Father is watching and waiting for your return, and He will forget all about your past the second you run into His arms. He is concerned about your future. He LOVES you and He knows your heart. There is nothing you can do that will separate you from His great love. He WILL take you back and He WILL use you and your testimony for good!